Why O Why

I have debated all day posting about this, but heck it's my blog and why not?

My question...why o why do I let myself get so worked up and then play the cold shoulder the rest of the day?  Only to sit here, at work none the less, and feel horrible because I have to now wait till midnight to "make up."

So, my morning went like this...or should I start with last evening??? 

So, last evening, a co-worker decided it was ok to treat a fellow employee (me) like dirt.  Thanks, I appreciated that.  Do to this horrible anger built up from said incident (which I can't share because God only knows if the wrong person would read this), I was very much looking forward to a great workout with my trainer this morning.

Which brings me to said morning.

So, this morning, I woke up to the beeeeep of my alarm.  Note, I was up till 1am and the alarm went off at 8am ( which is an hour les sleep than I normally get).  I arise and slumbered to the top of the stairs to notify Jonathan to get dressed, we are off to the Y.  He responded with, "I don't want to go.  I'll stay home."  After much negotiation, he was off to get dressed.

Meanwhile, I arose the sleepy monster AKA Allie.  She too was not thrilled to face the day, but none the less, she did.

Dressed, ready to hit the gym, I realize...NO KEYS!  Mind you, it's now 8:30am, my meeting is at 9am, and I have NO KEYS!  Aaron, my dear husband, had taken them to work.  NICE. 

I was TICKED!  Not just a weee bit mad...LIVID!  I now had to call the Y (Sobbing, hi Sheila (so sorry, Sheila and thank you), who happens to be my friend, I have to cancel with Janet.  Aaron took my fricken keys to work with him.) and cancel with the trainer for the FOURTH time!  Two out of the four...yep, because of keys.  You know, the ones my husband keeps taking to work which results in me being stranded.  Yep, those keys! 

I was SOBBING, CUSSING, LIVID!  My poor children.  I called Aaron.  And called.  And called.  And called.  And texted (You had better make a second key for that car before you come home and beware, I am leaving when you arrive cause I will kill you if I see you).  And called.  And called.  Nope, no answer.  You know, cause he can't answer his cell at work.  Oh, and why didn't I call him at work...oh, because I don't even know the name of the company he works for let alone a phone number (that will change after today.  I mean God forbid one of my kids had to go to ER)! 

So, I called my good friend, Sarah, hoping she'd be able to give me a ride.  Nope.  Fair enough, not her fault my awesome husband took the keys.  Well, that's not all I told her.  Poor Sarah got an ear full.  I mean, yelling, crying cussing ear full.  SOOOOO SORRY, Sarah. 

Until finally, I had it all out and Jonathan (me to my kids, I'm sorry, mama's so upset at daddy and things are coming out of my mouth and I can't control it.  Please don't listen to me.  Mama and Daddy love you guys.  You know, Jonathan, when you get really upset about something and Mr Grumpy comes out?  That's how mama feels.  I'm sorry.) gave me a hug and said it would be ok, we hit the road.  We hit it hard.  I walked off my anger and the kids biked all around our neighborhood and it felt so good!

It's now noonish and Aaron arrives.  I shut myself in the bathroom to get ready for work and completely ignored his, "I'm sorry, hunny."  Because after all, I was LIVID.  Long story short, he had come home with keys made and I ignored and went to the car wash to vacuum out my truck (disgusting, now I need to scrub the carpets in it or just continue to ignore it).  Work then followed.

So, now I sit here, ready to talk and say I'm sorry for reacting like I did and throwing a huge fit like a two year old.  UGH!  Why O Why do I do that.  Why can't I just say, I'm sorry.  I forgive you.  Kiss and "make up."  Nope, I have to be a snot in hopes that he would feel as awful as I do.  But, he doesn't.  He never does.  That's why I love him so.  He can forgive and forget quicker than anyone I know.  I'm not kidding.  He can be so ticked at you one second and hug you the next. 

Lord, help me to....
Hold my tongue.  God, please!  I hate that I swear (in conversation or in anger, I hate it).
Forgive quickly.  No grudges.  No making the other person feel worse than they already do.
Forget.  Oh Lord, erase all iniquities from my mind.  Please.
See a mistake for what it is...a mistake.
Amen.